DISCLAIMER: If you belong to one of those “bloggers” who are stalking particular tags in order to try and sell anyone oil-snake or oil-snake-related “literature” on “health” and “diet”, “fitness” and such, please spare me your likes and your follows. I will most likely >unknowingly< check your page, but you will get nothing else from me, only one more page-view that might just give you enough page-views to support your dishonest job of trying to fool people who are in need of real help. You are the cancer of the blogosphere and you should roast in a hell where you’re fed your own feet deep-fried in your own previously hydrogenated body-fat.
“May I?” my friend pointed at a strip of bell-pepper on my cutting board last week, while I was preparing lunch for us. I said sure, go ahead, and she gladly munched away at the raw strip of paprika and added “Yum! Bell-peppers are like the potato-chip of vegetables!” Well…. hmpf.
Taste. A matter of taste. The single vegetable I could chomp down on for a while, with no added flavor enhancer or spices, are carrots. Second to that is maize – especially with some butter melting on top, but then that’s flavor enhancement. There’s only so many veggies I’ll eat raw and unseasoned that will really taste good to me. Because maize is awesome, but put some salt on it, some butter and it’s even better. Cauliflower with freshly grated nutmeg on top, my god! Or some ripe tomato with plenty of olive oil and oregano. A salad with some heavy vinaigrette on top of it, yum!
So a few years ago, when my sister said she was going to do an oven-baked ratatouille, I was underwhelmed.
My sister, let me tell you, abhors any kind of fat. And she doesn’t use salt. Or glutamate or any flavor enhancer. On her vacation, she goes on hiking trips to mountains of 4000m/13000ft and up – (in fact, she is so healthy, that all these healthy vacations have fucked her knees up way more than my obesity has mine, and the fucked up knees aren’t even self-diagnosed) – when they get to the height when the guides regularly control the blood pressure of the participants, everyone gets salt banished from their food while my sister is basically force-fed some salt by the guiding leaders.
So my very healthy salt- and fat-free sister made an oven-baked ratatouille which is an offense to France and their cuisine. A ratatoiulle is like a casserole of several vegetables that is cooked by adding one vegetable after the other to the pot, considering how long they need to simmer in comparison to the rest, which when mastered leads to a bunch of beautifully seasoned veggies, all cooked to perfection despite the fact that they have different cooking duration. And my sister proudly threw a bunch of chopped vegetables with hardly any salt (“because I know no one but me will eat it if I don’t use salt *scoff*”) and just a spoonfull of oil (so the vegetables wouldn’t stick to the container) into the oven and called it a day.
I kept my expectations of the green bell-pepper low because I usually eat red or yellow ones and I know VEGETARIANS who hate green peppers. Then I tried the aubergine/egg-plant. It was chewy and flavorless. So nope, put the green peppers AND the egg-plant aside. Then came what? The zucchinis. Not my favourite of veggies, but I gave it a try. It was not just flavorless but also soggy to the point that it felt like it was cotton balls infused in water (like the aubergine, but with even less flavour). Ok, so set the zucchini aside. The red pepper wasn’t particularly good, but I’m blaming the produce market on this one. So I ate my meat with some out-of-season bland tomato and onions (can’t go wrong with onions!) and was stunned by everyone eating it and saying “It’s quite ok” (“quite ok” is what my family says when I present them with a professionally made dessert, it’s like the most of support and appreciation anyone will get from my family).
When I had put most of my ratatouille aside, I said I wasn’t really impressed. But I was used to the veggies in Germany so maybe that was why. To which my sis said “It’s not the vegetables. YOU don’t like vegetables, THAT’s the problem!”. I scoffed and fumed. I’m known in my family for not liking vegetables because vegetables don’t count if they have some sort of seasoning on them. Seriously, I only started eating vegetables after I discovered chinese food because the vegetables ACTUALLY are seasoned! My family – as well as many people – only know veggies as a mostly flowerless greenery that you’re supposed to gladly chomp on like your appendix is actually 5 foot long!
Ya know what? Anyone who knows me would never say I don’t like meat! But I always eat my meat salted and properly seasoned so I don’t see why I shouldn’t go about my veggies the same way. But many people still insist and act like vegetables aren’t worth anything as soon as you put sauce or spices on them. Ya know what? Shout scream and squirm; insult me as a promoter of obesity, but my veggies actually taste good and my knees are fine.
(Oh, and I heard this one on the radio today. I might be making a post about this one, but it won’t be a health post, it will be a post against people who claim the media only tell lies, although they’re usually not smart enough to understand what the media tells them.)