My first run-in with online dating – Part 1

So a couple of days ago, working side-by-side with a colleage whose girlfriend is expecting, I started enquiring more and more about there relationship. I was awfully curious because I knew they were together 12 months but she’s 7 months pregnant. To me, allways so eager to jump to conclusions, a recipe to disaster. But the story is actually 20 years old in his life, and during the time he was telling it, he mentioned something like “and then I got divoreced and looked her up in Facebook”. And I was like…. dafuq? So I asked him “What made you look her up all of a sudden, you know? You make it sound so random: wham! I got divorced and I looked her up! Even though you’d been out of touch for over a decade, ya know?”.

As he stood there, his task suddenly abandoned midcourse and gazing at the wall, I quickly added “Look, you can tell me to “shut the f*** up!” if it’s too personal, okay?”. He almost snapped out of it, shook his head and said “No, it’s nothing like that. I… I just never forgot forgot her, ya know?”. Dude, that moved me so much I almost yelled “THAT is a damn fine reason! Well done!”. I was so fucking moved that I went home and searched an old flame on facebook.

I shouldn’t have. Ugh… He’s together with someone and I was so shocked about that someone (no, it’s not another guy) that I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry and I had the worst night of sleep I’ve had in many months (ADD meds are supposed to give you insomnia, but I’ve actually never slept as sound as now). But before I went for my night of light sleep, I frantically decided I needed to steer my hyperfocus to something else – see, last week I was obsessed with my current work-contract and how I was going to elegantly tell them come October that I wasn’t willing to extend the contract. This week, I was obsessing with my old-flame again (a recurring drama for me) and when it took a turn for the worse, I decided to try and apply a strategy (something us ADDers rely upon) to change the target of my hyperfocus. I signed up for a dating service, free trial. Actually worked like a charm, probably because the subjects are so close to one another.

I had bad reviews from online dating services, so far. An old boss who was a die-hard-gotta-get-married type got a very obnoxious guy, who broke up with her, started dating a depressive cutter and then ran back to her and professed her his undying love…. while still together with that depressive cutter girl and later asking my ex-boss if she would break up with his girlfriend for him. You know, your average dream guy. Although I hate my ex-boss, I’m glad to say she eventually got rid of him.

Then it was a friend who once confessed to having tried online dating, although I think she was a rather attractive and friendly woman, but like me, she lived like a hermit…. so, there. She said it was pretty much what I thought “Forced to get to know each other. By the end of the date, we both knew we weren’t seeing each other again”

The third friend also confessed to having tried it and deleted her account after 30 minutes because when the first messages came, it was all just way too much and she “freaked out”.

Oh yeah, I also have a friend who better not know about me having signed up, so she won’t disown me. Because, in her opinion, only the very desperate dregs of society would ever do that – I never managed to convince her that, although it was not my thing, I can well imagine that some people are perfectly ok and have trouble getting to know other people.

And now I went and actually looked for myself, and you know what? I rather surprised myself and found myself quite convinced. But I’ll give you a detalied review on another post. If you care to read.

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