Vegetables are poisoning your body – Fast food is the real answer

Look, you don’t need to believe me, after all, I’m just a person in the internet, I could tell you lies. But you can believe your own eyes if you want to. We all know that famous documentary about the guy who had a very balanced diet, living with his vegetarian fiancée and then he decided to go on a fast-food based diet. While he was trying to prove that fast food is unhealthy, he actually proved the opposite! 

The first few days, he’s trying really hard to put all that healthy fast-food inside him and having a hard time. He even has to barf. This is normal. The poison is leaving his system. At first he feels tired, laggy, has trouble eating his food, but after a few days, his body adapts to his new healthy diet: he has more energy and also, he slowly starts gaining the layer of fat which was so important for the survival for our antcessors and still is. We have incorrectly fought the billions of years of man’s evolution to avoid that fat under the pretense that we don’t need it anymore.

Have the inaccuracies in my text put you in awe of the stupidity of some people or rather convinced you that I’m surely joking?

Because I am joking. Sort of. More like being highly sarcastic. This is the kind of bullshit we are sold daily with every radical health-diets and whatnot (yes, any diet that strikes anything at all from your meal plan is radical. Unless it strikes strychnine. You should totally not have strychnine). They all lean on bold and italic or at least in these moronic presumptions* that “back then it was like this” And this is an excuse for gluten-free, paleo-diets, avoiding milk…

I mean, damn! The paleolitical man didn’t drink milk because he still hadn’t figured out how to secure a cow! He didn’t eat gluten because he still hadn’t figured out how to grow crops.

You know what he did? He went hunting for deer with a limp and a toothache. He didn’t go to the “medicine-man” to get sick leave. Although, faithful to my logic, he didn’t do that because he hadn’t quite figured it out yet. The followers of these diets apparently are hypocondriacs who can’t even stand to fart a couple of times of day (were they repressed? Do they not know it’s normal? Because free-range cows fart way more than I do and THEY’RE strickly paleo) and need to find the deeper meaning of why they have heartburn. So they change their whole diet. Tomato-sauce and and mayo give me heartburn. I avoid tomato-sauce and mayo and quit having heartburn. ♪Ta-daaaaah!♫

I’m pissy about this because I had time to kill today so I went into a bookstore and browsed the cooking section. They have books on display that tell you right away with the title and undertitle that wheat makes you dumb and how you can get your intelligence back. I’m guessing the author realized that he was not only extremely dumb, he also ate more wheat bread than anyone else. Being that dumb, you can hardly expect anyone to have a decent sense of logic.

*Forget research. Any research that confirms the healthyness of striking whole food-groups is about as accurate as the research that confirms the efficacy of homeopathy. Homeopaths don’t use blind studies, in case you’re wondering.

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